I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
