Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
