did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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