My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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