I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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