you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i think i just lost a toe
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
