She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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