I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
