ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
