No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Randomize
