I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
