he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
