Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
