Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
