Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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