guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize