he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Those nachos came to me in a dream
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
