Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
