I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
