Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
