I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Houston, we have a blender
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
