I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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