It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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