I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize