I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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