His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
