I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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