I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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