I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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