Farmville is her only friend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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