imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
