the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am available for nakedness
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
