Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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