This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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