you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
