The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
