??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am one with the molecules
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
