Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
