he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
