How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
