i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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