When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
