I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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