Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
