I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize