I'm lost and stupid without you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
