yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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