Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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