he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
