I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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