my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My life is pants optional.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
