Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
