she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
