I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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