it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
