It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
