he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
