I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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