honey bunches of taint.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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