what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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