so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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