i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
