I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
