Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
