why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
