a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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